Screenplay by: Zak Olkewicz, based on the novel Maria Beetle (published in English as Bullet Train) by Kōtarō Isaka / Directed by David Leitch / Distributed by: Sony Pictures Releasing / 126 Minutes
5th August 2022 (Released 4th August 2022)
Review by Rob Deb. Read more of Rob's reviews here. Watch the trailer. Book tickets at the Regent Street Cinema.
The Pitch: Ladybug is an unlucky assassin who's determined to do his job peacefully after one too many gigs has gone off the rails. Fate, however, may have other plans as his latest mission puts him on a collision course with lethal adversaries from around the globe -- all with connected yet conflicting objectives -- on the world's fastest train.
Strangers on a train, Silver Streak, Under Siege 2, and of course the trip from London to Edinburgh in six and a half minutes with Jean Michael Jarre playing in the background all reassure an audience on one simple level: Trains allow an automatic frame that, whatever the genre, there will be a payoff at the end. It does the heavy lifting Of ‘A to B’ and all that happens in between will either be a new friendship or an utter bore of a man stopping you from reading your copy of Shaun Hutson’s ‘Relics’ because he wants to tell you about crop rotation.
we meet a medley of killers, all with their motivations, and perspectives on love, and fate
I can assure you that your ticket to this will, for its 2-hour runtime, entitle you to an automatic first-class upgrade to the excitement on screen. While there is nothing original in any way, it brings a fantastic sense of craft and knows how to land punches and punchlines with such rapidity you will be leaving the theatre feeling that the journey was the destination. Our lead passenger on this is Brad Pitt’s Ladybug. A self-demoted assassin who is going through a midlife crisis and is trying to take an easy snatch and grab. In this instance, a suitcase. As the film progresses we meet a medley of killers all with their motivations, situations, and perspectives on everything from love, and fate, to revenge. And of course. Thomas the tank engine. I try and veer from spoilers as much as possible but the roles of ‘Tangerine and Lemon’ also known as ‘the twins’ meld the best parts of ‘Lock Stock’ and ‘Things To Do In Denver When You're Dead' with an ongoing thread about how Thomas the tank engine is an allegory for personality types. The key message; don't be a diesel. Once we have our players (one of which is a young lady and master of subterfuge, ‘Prince’) in action and in pursuit of the suitcase, the threat at the final stop in Kyoto with the ongoing calls from the main kingpin ‘The White Death’ and the wry asides are no substitute for the action.
This movie could seriously loosen Deadpool's hold on the 18-rated action-comedy
There are fights in kitchens, toilets, and carriages, with everything and the trolley cart used to create mayhem throughout the film. The plot slowly reveals the connection between each of the killers and not a single moment of the event seems to be left unresolved. The intricacy of the plot and how it interacts with Ladybug's ‘Luck’ is so utterly rewarding and enriched with the warmth of the wit, and the brutal violence it weaved in. The film also breaks out of the train and gives the backstory to such a revelatory degree you feel immersed in a world and culture and more invested in the case for it. This is the team I feel could take the Suicide Squad to the next level with another film. And This movie could seriously loosen Deadpool's hold on the 18-rated action-comedy. I was talking with a friend soon after and should point out that I could not sell it to her. It is for older men punching out their feelings and being glib. I also described it as shooting knife fights and funny gags. But I was raised from a Taranteenager and I won't defend or even bother getting into the dynamics of this perspective. I'm sure it's terrible. But for my ticket and two hours. Massive machismo as I see a man called Tangerine beat the shit out of another adult in a weird Mewtwo outfit, and then get thrown out of a train. SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY!
Bullet Train is out. Book tickets at The Regent Street Cinema.